The Sun Is Not The Center Of The Universe

where will I go

2006-09-08T05:08:12Z

at a point early this summer (well actually since my junior year in high school) I've questioned whether or not to continue debate well lets weight it the reasons to quit:
no coach in the last 4 yrs (sorry travis and conway)
no partner (and in policy db8 partnership is everything)
no team (except for last year but still 3 ppl don't make a team)
no competitive spirit (even against ppl I hate)
no achievements at all (nothing worth cheering for)
everyone is like 10 times better than me (including the kids i've taught)
no future for me in it (it once was all I could think and dream about)
no one would really respect me as a debater(I can see rich white kids laughing in my face hard body son)
not smart enought to truely do this(I don't ever interpet shit the right way kris can back me on that one)

But why did or would I continue well:
The friendships and ppl i meet(this is such a large and great community)
the sexy womyn (oh my god did you see da tits on that one they can feed an army)
The free travel (texas richmond "mardi gra" and much more)
build my connections (db8 camps are ran by many of the coaches and judges at tournaments)
I love getting in the round (whoa the rush the Cross X the drama)
That is where my famo is (whitney kate kris)
I might get a coach/team/partner(mmadu come thru for a nigga)
I have fun win or lose (welll not to much with the losing)
If I do well national fame (Just like rich or a black ricky)
The kids (if I'm good they can learn from me and do good to)
I've put so many years into it (damn 6 years policy, year LD, and some congress experince in the garbage)
The feeling that i didn't quit (quitter never win cause even losers or better than quitter they keep trying)

So right now i need to know how those I care about feel continue or give up debate

So I'm depressed

2006-06-13T19:01:27Z

for the first time in my life I really feel this kind of depression where I'm ok to myself and my closer friends who've been like my cousins trying to rescue me I've in the biggest since removed myself from the general population saying so as I don't even realize my own block as much a lot of illness and injury is floating around with my family and has got me to the point where I just expect all of the to get ill and die. Also recently I've been avoiding the funner side of life by being cheap and mourning through those illness. I'm at the point where my best friend the girl who is like my sister had her Birthday with out me even saying hello to her that day sorry Kate I've been getting sick my self cold in the mist of summer not normal also can't get back my old sleep pattern I have to somewhat see the sun rise before I can sleep which means I sleep most of the day tine usually to around 2-3 and because of this I can feel my body falling apart no love life since I'm to lazy and find it to troublesome plus don't really feel in the lover boy type mood My problem is I don't know where it's coming from no school no life no DRAMA (ex-girl/H.S. B.S.) my ex girl moved to Jersey during the weekend and I somewhat helped her because the bitch is my friend and her future husband is mad cool he is just a better looking version of me oh and he gets paid more so I was feelin kinda bitter about that. So where do you come from evil dark delusional mothafucka known as depression why me and why now. Even though no one will read this I'm sorry for not being myself since I guess the banquet just pretty much not in my own state of mind two weeks to break out of it

Second day in DC

2006-06-02T05:10:19Z

realize that shit is so boring without your friends even meeting pornstars

Realizing that I'm not ugly because of one or two simple blemishes that girls will actually like me for my looks alone

Realizing that weed is horrible even through contact and wine coolers and sweet drinks may be gay but hell it allows me to get home at night

Realizing that even the nations capital have big flaws when it comes to underage drinking

Realizing that people actually care enough to call and see if I'm alive

Realizing that being sprung is a sin and that relationships are wack if you on the outside looking into one

Realizing that going to DC alone was really a mistake (GOD I'M BORED)

Realizing that not only NY has Birds but any ghetto

Realizing that sex because it's offered is not for me (I LIKE ME'S A CHALLENGE)

Realizing that a hoe gets paid to be degraded so bitch ain't better than anyone

Realizing that white men in DC projects equal a dinner for the family including the three from NY (Hustling ROCKS)

CONGRATS TO EVERYONE

2006-05-22T22:53:33Z

one thing I learned at the banquet is how there is no one in this community I can say I hate or for the least dislike I actually love most of you all the ppl on live journal espically Kris Kate Nate Pito kiana and Sade(we lost contact over the months I miss me some Sadead)and the new ones like gaby vikki fefe darryl and Andrew I really just love seeing you guyz at the end where all the drama has died and we be ready for the summer I can't wait to TIDI and see all those who are going and hopefully vermont and we need a big mouth to replace my lovely Shayna in BPI to merk bitches at citi but this is the point of realization I love impact db8 and the ppl around it I apoligize to larry from MCA you a good debater my dude do it in college ok and everyone else I can only hope to see you on a later day love

People are Violent

2006-05-15T06:03:52Z

well May 13th what a day I first knew it was going to be a day since Miss I Bleep that Bleep in the Bleepin face Bleep (yes You felica)posted that Tragedy of a Live Journal and then more after Mr. I hurt niggas with food aka climb over mountians (Rob and Joy love ya'll) to try to take ppl heads off (nathaniel)posted that crap on his LJ. But no they went further than that people threatening people with pizza (pito), People making me afraid of cross X and threatening to stave me (DC jean and extra dark). Kristen going crazy with love, Martika is a HOBO, Whitney was quiet and Shawna looking more Fabulous than I ever seen a girl look. But that is not that violent wut is violent is threatening to punch someones head through a subway window (vikki), then you have someone who is technically 5 feet tall being held back by most of BPI (gaby)this same person wanted to fight the world hell she may have just threaten to fight me wait she did. Andrew beat down little kids he don't even know. What I learned was that never threaten a nigga with food they may try to take you out with it also the song ain't no mountian high enough to keep me from you is true I hope that everyone find this live journal to be informal and a tab bit funny and not take it serious I believe in non violence but will make exceptions if you really wanna take this truthful posting to heart

LOVE YA ALL STOP THE VIOLENCE TO STOP THE WAR

Oh yea Darryl and Kiana ya'll said some Violent shit to no one is safe

I still LOVE you

2006-05-10T09:24:41Z

think about the time we never spent
think about the time we let get away
sitting here listening to Goodbye my Lover
make me think about you in a way I never did
I Love you and now your almost gone
though I love was short and not the best
I felt you when the tears begone to fall
If love is what left me heart broken
Then friendship has left me Hollow
You have been the one that let me down
But that is what made me feel secure
I still love you even if he does
I kissed your lips
Shared your bed
when I was afraid you helt my Hand
but the question is will I be
that feeling on your lips
that space in your bed
will the winter days fill the warmth of my hand
My tears now swell up my face
Like you once swell up my pride
though this is goodbye
I want to stay with you
I want to be that smile on your sad day
the tears when you are happy
the friend at your wedding
I want to dream of you not with me
but at least with our memory
I want to see you with hope
I want to hold your soul against the fear
I want to cry because I'm happy for you
not because I'm lost in love
you are not my addiction
nor is our love
my addiction is the dreams
the memory
what we could be
even if I am not he
don't go is what my heart says
my eyes see you next to me
my hand feel your leave
my heart beats that there is a we
But I know what I see feel know
I still love you so
GOOD BYE MY LOVER
but please don't say
GOOD BYE MY FRIEND
please at least for me

Wishing I was dead

2006-05-06T05:41:10Z

it hurts me to see the red sea part
to see the "I have a dream" march
to see the sad faced art
I cry when I see the angels descend from heaven
when I see a happy bride at my wedding
when I see the slurppie machines at a 7 11
this world is full of happiness
but around me there is sadness
we use to laugh and now the anger hiss
no one deck of cards grants you a win
no matter your luck there is to much sin
so now we at the beginning once again
no one meaning can be given here
so maybe I cry I shed you and me a tear
but in the end nothing was said to confirm my fear

Hey Again

2006-04-28T00:06:38Z

Well haven't posted in a month but hey wut eva more communism I'm feeling really depressed and just plain simple stressed I found out today that out of the 5 classes I'm taking this semester I'm only passing 1 with a B- C+ at the least the rest are a no. Math just failed the biggest test besides the final and because of personal reasons have been absent more days than I attended. Spanish and Psych well tried to drop them but thanks to PACE and Grace Dodge slow ass high school I couldn't so now they count as a double fail but ya know maybe if I went to the classes and got the books I wouldn't have to drop them in the first place. English I hate the subject and more than that the BS for a professor that teaches it I have been absent from his class so many times by choice. Haven't read any of the selected readings yet some how did two of his essays mind you according to the questions and rules on the syllabus are both wrong. He may allow me to retake the midterm that I missed as well as the in class essays which mean I might have a shot at a D in his class. Speech is Ironically the only class I'm passing. But more than me passing my biggest fear is flunking out in the first year, at this point I don't care any more about anything if I do flunk out (lossing my financial aid) I'll just give up and fall into the sterotype; that black men only place is in the streets hustling. I guess the Grime is what's left for me yet everyday I pray that there is a chance for me that PACE, My debate coach and the other people who foster me aid can look pass this semester and give me a chance to prove that this is not what I'm left to do, proof that sometimes personal shit gets you in this kinda situation, that I have a reason to live other than not to break my mothers soul and heart and budget, that the meaning to my life goes further than just another Being, that my life can someday influence the lives of other and that someday I can avoid a young man like myself from being in this state of mind where he wishes for death before his dreams. I do have a dream but that dream is at this point just something I can only reach by sleeping, a dream that one day I can look on the face of a young kid as he meets his goal, to one day see joy in the face of an audience of children that is deterred from this joy due to their race and area of living. To be a teacher or to work for a Non Profit organization is a dream I won't reach in this life at this point but hey wut eva I don't care

Sex Games

2006-03-29T21:41:12Z

WORST THINGS TO SAY AFTER SEX: ADD YOUR LINE AND PASS IT ON lets play iight ill start it off

Willie: Are you really about to throw, up it's that thick

I'm A Loser

2006-03-26T02:14:19Z

Well just saying that I hatre life and just want out with this deal I made with God and I guess that means time to make deals with Lucifer

No more Willie Langley

2006-03-15T18:13:40Z

why oh no you think I'm dieing nah just changed my last name to my dads it's a court issue well my offical name now is Willie Izell Johnson yea you'd expect it to be more Hispanic due to my father being Costa Rican but umm umm NO!!! so no more calling me Mr. Langley Pito and Thierry

What is the meaning of LIFE?

2006-03-14T23:04:20Z

well for me I can care less my life is uber fucked up I had to drop two classes today because???
one I can't afford the books to actually pass the class two I've been getting sick lately alot three I have trouble sleeping and everyone says that it's my fault or that I don't try to get sleep four I hate school five wish Pace was closer and finally because I'm Black stubbron so on the first point why can't I afford it because I'm to lazy to get a real job or don't have the expereince to get a good one ie resume writing plus PACE is still expencive with tuition covered books 1500 a year, fees over 2000 a year, food 30 dollars a week, transportation 25 a week. Many just say take out another loan (already taking one out for 2000 for fees)well I can't first parent have bad credit second is I'll never make enough money teaching to pay back these loans and live. I can't get a jod because I have no experince plus no one would hire me I'm unattractive and may easily scare away people, I don't have good people skills (yet he wants to be a teacher) and every position is filled. So do I choose to sell drugs or worst? No don't have the confidence to ask somebody can I put in some work, what about hustling can't do it ie unatttractive and just ain't smart enough to manage that. What about my parents, I feel ashamed to ask my mother who single handedly got me were I'm at to neglect her other three kids and all her priorities so I can go to school worry free my dad please he thinks paying child support is enough no nigga we are more then children we are students, debaters, college bound yet he brags about how far I've gone so another swallow of pride as I refuse to ask him for more than I believe he can spear. Go to a cheaper school? I would but I want to be at PACE plus don't think I can afford cheaper I'm at PACE thanks to the grace of God (debate scholorship) and plus with my grades from last semester only BCC would except me 2.8 either way still pretty horrible. On the number two I had the Flu for a week and a half and have been feeling extra shitty like spasms of pain and just weakness more than likey causing me to not go to school somedays or sometimes to go late I really don't know what is wrong with me I think I'm dieing but from what don't know just hope it ain't fatal and my family and friends just think I'm lazy and fat but sometimes I just feel dead yet put a smile on and go on with my life in the worst of pain without telling anyone how much pain I really feel. But it be because I don't get any sleep which is point three I just can't sleep at nite thought it was an uncomfortable bed but it's not it may be the distractions like the internet, games, and TV but no one thinks that it's a serious problem besides me I went to the doctor and he laughed and said I can't help you, You may need a speialist or just try to go to sleep yes I can say that my sleep paterns have been horrible but it's getting worst by the year I remember when I thought 12 was late but now I think 2:00 is late and usually don't get to sleep untill 3 if I even go to sleep but I like being a nite person only problem is life seems o happen during the day like school. Number four I hate school I really do but this is natural the early hours the days of the week the long lectures the money wasted the time it takes and for what I just don't know shit I hate the Evil of the school go to shit the one who thought of it hope hell is hot enough for ya you Demonic Creation of Sin. Point five is Pace is an 2 Hours away on the fucking train and bus why couldn't it be home like for the many who can afford to dorm there you luck rich stupid bitches all of you die except for Kris she's fine. If I lived on campus I'd never miss this many classes even if I was Half dead like I am now but again can't afford the shit FUCk!!! But finally is the reason for the other 5 I'm Black and stubbron this has created numerous strikes against me in society and going to PACE proves it i'm a failure like I was Meant to be by the very society that deems me so thus always leading back to this bad trait of doom in a community like PACE but back to the question of the day LIFE do I live it well no since what life means to me is debate and I may not be doing that since I had to drop two classes but wut eva this is not a cry for help it is a breaking of silence cause life is at a point were to me it's worthless Thanks For Reading this Long As Stream Of Endless BITCHING

Just Take The Quiz (TEARS)

2006-03-14T20:25:49Z

Do you think you can read my mind? - From Go-Quiz.com
About this Friend....	Guess who?
Dark but a sexy Dark with the perfect mixture of Kindness and Tranquility
My Crazy Yet in a funny way friend and I want them as a db8 partner. Real, we connect on another level
My Ghetto Chick she's so nice and kind Brooklyn
have this sort of love feeling towards him we share so much in common
Number two Fearee we get along too well Cocky as hell
Wow my number one fearee Love him even though sometimes he's a bitch
truely has blossmed from this quiet girl to a fine woman she my bitch even when she's not
like one of the only female Friends I can say I love without them thinking it's sexual My heart and I only want the best in life for her
WHOA look at those BEEP but then listen to her heart she is special yet the spanish girl does come out often
LJ Username:

Stalkers (Stole from Kate)

2006-03-14T19:44:48Z

godofdeceptions's LJ stalker is princessbori!

princessbori is stalking you because another friend of yours told them you liked them. They are also mentally deranged!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

Godofdeceptions's LJ stalker is chivarlyroses!

chivarlyroses is stalking you because you made a nasty comment on their LJ. They are also deluded!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

godofdeceptions's LJ stalker is learninglamiere!

learninglamiere is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also in jail for murder!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

godofdeceptions's LJ stalker is wildchildqban!

wildchildqban is stalking you because they have you confused with someone else whom they love. They are also stalking you in real life. Look out!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

So True

2006-03-12T08:54:57Z

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure

What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

godofdeceptions @ 2006-03-12T03:49:00

2006-03-12T08:51:46Z

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passive and thoughtful.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situation, you seem like you're oblivious to the stress.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

You Are Corona

You don't drink for the love of beer. You drink to get drunk.
You prefer a very light, very smooth beer. A beer that's hardly a beer at all.
And while you make not like the taste of beer, you like the feeling of being drunk.
You drink early and often. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes alone. All the party needs is you!

What's Your Beer Personality?

So Music for CEDA

2006-03-11T18:19:00Z

well I have a couple of tracks that will work first the
1. Intimidation Music:
down for my bitches - by Khia, Trina and Mia X yea this is scary
White Tee The Instrumental

2. Calming Music:
Sorry - By Madonna
Just Breath - By Telepopmusic
Ohh Child - By The Five Stairsteps

3. Hype Music:
Tempature - By Sean Paul
Colt 45 - By Afroman(Thanks Kris)
Bucky Don Gun - By M.I.A.
Satisfaction vs In da club - By 50 cent and Benny Benassi

4. Destroy Dallas Music:
What You Been Drinking On - By Jim Jones, Diddy, Jah Jah, and Paul Wall
Knuck If You Buck - Crime Mobb

5. My Yeah I'm Betta Than You Music:
Bet You Can't Do it Like Me - D4L
Poppin My Collar - Three 6 Mafia(even though they worship the devil)
Concited - Remy Martin

6. Hook Up Music:
Nookie Tonight - Jamesy P.
Control Yourself - LL Cool J and J-Lo
Pussy Shop - Vybez Kartel
Candice Michelle Theme Music
I fell in love with a Stripper - T-Pain
My Dickie - Elephant Man
Whisper Song Girl Version - Kelis
Beep - PCD

Can Anybody Tell Me What I'm Going To CEDA For Hmm??????

"Baseball Bat-her up" ........................................................Oh There Will Be Blood

2006-03-06T05:39:53Z

Well like my "girlfriend" says "if you got a problem I got a Bat I can try to solve them or Make up for your mother mistakes"

So If You Are On This List Duck When Ya See Me
Sammy (Depending On What You Say To Me)
Nathaniel (no exceptions)
Sulman (on the verge)
GrandOLD (she has it coming)
Kris P. (cause I love her most/she kicked the shizz-nit out of me at wings)

godofdeceptions @ 2006-03-04T02:56:00

2006-03-04T08:00:25Z

Your Life Path Number is 11

Your purpose in life is to inspire others

Your amazing energy draws people to you, and you give them great insight in return.
You hold a great amount of power over others, without even trying.
You have the makings of an inventor, artist, religious leader, or prophet.

In love, you are sensitive and passionate. You connect with your partner on a very deep level.

You have great abilities, but you are often way too critical of yourself.
You don't fit in - and instead of celebrating your differences, you dwell on them.
You have high expectations of yourself. But sometimes you set them too high and don't achieve anything.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

You Are 44% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

About 80 pounds off (my target wieght)

2006-03-04T07:35:25Z

You Should Weigh 200

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.
If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

godofdeceptions @ 2006-02-28T23:02:00

2006-03-01T04:06:05Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

A Friend and A Best Friend

2006-02-28T21:21:26Z

1.FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

2.FRIENDS: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandma.
BEST FRIENDS: Calls your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMS!

3.FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we fucked up!

4FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

5FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."..OR KEEP IT AND DOESNT GIVE IT BACK....LOL

6FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

7FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

8FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

9FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

10FRIENDS: Are only through highschool.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

11FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste."

12FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt in there notebook!!!

godofdeceptions @ 2006-02-25T03:46:00

2006-02-25T08:46:53Z

Lost In The Nature Of It

2006-02-23T21:18:21Z

Gone by the moon and the half past sun
ohm to the wind and the pun on it's sound
The scale of the water as so that liquid drowns
Yet not in the sorrows of the whistle of the willow
Nor the stale diversity of the unseen plains
Unless tricked by the under water volcano
To be that shaped of a lilac leaf
With the quiet beat of the untamed thunder
In that vast body known as the Ocean
Where skies become grey and dear not give ye rain
And the view of the earth is to be an infinite change
No ice can be as cold as truth
When the damning wind come to a truce
And hurricanes end a horrible feud
The earth feels to quake right under it all
And begins the world to fall apart
Like once spoke about the red sea
That which the Fate's eye could not see leaving much lost
But finding again the olive branch
Where thoughts of a butterfly disguises the moth
Where the bees gather not honey
And the early bird gets no worm
If flowers bloomed before they are ready
The color of lightning wouldn't strike as blue
And the falling stars and meteors are seen as the same
Yet fill us with the grain and oats of the time
to last as if the last eclipse
And this all plays as a trick
Amazed by the fall of the closest moon
Astonished by the rise of a distant sun
And crush the un-tipped spades
As the rainbow frowns after the sun has raising
And the rain could not fall from skies so grey
Memories of nature become such a blur
It the reflection ask what of the blue sky
Finding nothing but the hidden stars
And sinking in the quickest sand
So gone be the moon and the half past sun
As the eye of a fate is a lost one sympathy like wind
Yet the view of the unseen plain ever change and never lost
Yet the sky and the moon the sun and the world all vanish
Lost In the Nature Of It

Soon to be single ?????

2006-02-20T08:34:03Z

If I wanted you to know you probably wouldn't have to ask HOLLA!!!!